Successfully Squished
Got my mammogram yesterday and it was fine. Sachiko and I went to the best clinic in Hokkaido and I have to say the equipment was the very newest. We both got manual exams, mammograms and echoes and we both came out with healthy boobies. One job crossed off the list!
We got out earlier than we had thought, and the tests were much cheaper than we had thought, so we walked back into the centre of Sapporo and had lunch in a Thai restaurant and then went for cake and coffee in another place! And talked our heads off, too! It was a really nice day.
I got back about half an hour after Harry was brought back by Jiichan, and then Yoshi arrived another half hour later, so it all worked out very simply.
I haven't written much about Yoshi's school progress lately, so I'll take this opportunity to give an update - He absolutely hates it.
He is enjoying the town's drama club and has been given a (very small!) speaking part in the upcoming musical, and everyone joins in all the songs and dances and crowd scenes and so on, so he's on stage a lot of the time. That is the only part of his life that he likes.
School is just a burden. I know it's the system, but they seem bent on breaking the kids' spirits and it certainly seems to be working with Yoshi. There are many endless, pointless rules about everything, and just when we think that we see a bright spot, it turns out that it's forbidden. He still has no friends in his class but two of the third graders are friendly to him in the broadcasting committee that he's on. Unfortunately yesterday when he was laughing and joking around with them the broadcasting teacher came in and told him off for being too familiar with seniors, and told him that they are off limits for friends. Now it could be that Yoshi has misunderstood this but I am really cross. This sempai/kohai (senior/junior) thing goes too far and for goodness sake they were chatting and having a nice time together. Not in class, after school, sorting out the next day's announcements, so it was not like they were wasting class time.
Yoshi's not a sports fan, but the sports day is coming up this Saturday (at least it will be soon over, I keep telling him.....) so they are expected to be at school by 7:30am every day this week to practice. Then after school they have committee meetings and broadcasting stuff until any time between 4:30 and 6:30pm. Monday, Wednesday and Friday he has his drama rehearsals which go from 6:30 - 10:00pm so I make him get his bag ready for the next day as soon as he walks through the door, then shove some food in his hand and take him to the meeting hall. Tuesdays the tutor comes from 6:30 - 8:30pm and often Yoshi only just makes it back in time to eat a rice ball and then get down to study with him. For the moment Thursday nights are free so I am am trying to encourage him to get any homework done as early as possible on that night and not put it off, but the message is not getting through.... He comes home on Friday nights all bouncy and says "I don't have to think about school for TWO DAYS!!!" I am too weak and have not been able to then turn round and say "Go and do some study" on the days he is actually free to forget about the horrible place.
We are right back to how he used to behave in the first and second grade before we found the nice elementary school he ended up in - I mention getting ready for the next day's school or homework, and he's instantly in tears. But this time he's nearly 13 and it's horrible to watch. I want to cry myself, and I veer between sympathy, agreeing with him that the system stinks, and shouting at him that he has to just buckle down and get on with it like everyone else.
I did tell him last night that JHS seems to be the worst three years in a Japanese person's life and if he can just keep his head down and endure it, from high school onwards the pressure will lessen considerably, and a lot of the stupid pointless rules will be relaxed. He brightened at that because he thought that it was just going to go on getting more miserable from here on out. But then he got sad again, saying he didn't know if he could bear even three more years of this and I have to say I agree with him. The friendlessness is the worst part of it, and I don't know how to fix that. Suggestions just made him angry as in true teenage style "You just don't know anything about it Mum so you can't tell me what to do." So I think just sympathy and whipping him through this is all I can provide for the moment. Sigh.....
Yes, really he should give up the drama as it would lessen the workload but that is the only thing he likes these days, and it's cruel to even suggest it.
15 comments:
Hi there,
My husband went through the school system here (he's Japanese) and says he hated it too. For most of the time he didn't talk to anyone, and just read books (which he enjoyed) and finally when he got to university, he realised he needed to communicate with people (to get a girlfriend!) and he turned out fine - and he eventually married me, lucky fella : )
He says it was all just "shishunki" (puberty?) and just needed to be got through. He gave a nicer definition than "puberty" - he said it is the "spring thinking time" : )
Poor Yoshi!
Does he really need to study so hard at home? Surely he is doing enough (by the sounds of it)? My husband also mentioned he didn't like study, but he realised that if he concentrated during class time only, he could pick things up well, and then didn't need to "re-learn" them later at juku or by doing self-study. If only all students in Japan used this technique, jukus might go out of business : ) (And I don't mean eikaiwas, because they give valuable skills practice).
Also, I'm not sure what my husband meant, but he said Hokkaido was particularly strict (?) in the education area...something to do with liberalism and the influence of "nikyouso"...the "teachers' organisation" ...but I didn't quite get it.
Good luck...your blog is very useful for me as I have a half Japanese / half Kiwi son who is four years old...you're a great role model with your two lovely boys and interesting, full life!
(sorry for the ramble!)
Poor Yoshi! I hate the mentality of JHS. It seems to me that they just want to wear them down and wear them out so that none of those hormones come to the surface. The JHS near us is huge. 8 grades in a year but there are a few smaller ones nearby and I know of some students who tranfered out of the local school and are enjoying school more. Apparently most friendships are formed around club at JHS so it may take a little longer to make friends but he sounds lovely so he will get there in the end, i'm sure!!
I really feel for both you and Yoshi, and I expect we'll be going through much the same in a few years time with J. Kids should be allowed time to be kids. Grrrrr.
Thank you everyone for your nice comments that arrived while I was digging out the boys' room! Much appreciated.
Hana, your husband sounds lovely! You got a good catch there. I would love to read your blog - any chance of an invite??
My husband too said he hated JHS in particular and the first year was especially bad.
The study thing.... Well, the drama group is not study though it eats up three whole evenings a week, and beyond that Yoshi only does the two hours with his tutor. He's behind academically anyway and has some kind of learning disability that is not properly dealt with. (I think the technical term for his learning programme is "Sweeping it under the carpet.")
So yes, he needs to study more. Particularly as he spaces out in most classes. He needs to wake up like Hana's husband did to just getting on with it and getting it over with!
Anonymous (any hints as to who you are??!) you are right that Yoshi IS lovely. He's a very nice person, bright, kind and sociable. He will make a happy life for himself I am sure, if the stuffing doesn't get knocked out of him first....
Anchan, I think it will be hard for your family, it seems to be hard for everyone. But who knows, some kids have the ability to just cruise through stuff, so here's hoping that yours is one of them!
i wish i had some advice. the not having friends part is really hard! my family moved across the country when i was ten. i started sixth grade in a school that *hated* new kids. even my brother, who was in second grade, was bullied badly. when i started jr. high the next year i felt like i had one friend--even all the other 'new' kids from other elem. schools were wary of being my friend. that makes everything else so much harder to handle: more school work, changing body (puberty, BLAH!!), after-school activities...yoshi has my sympathies!!
i say BS to the teacher who told off yoshi for 'fraternizing' with his upperclassmen. STUPID!! maybe he can learn how to interact with them on the sly... poor yoshi!
i wouldn't take drama club away. but it does sound like yoshi has a lot on his plate. and from what you've written before, i think he *does* need to concentrate more on his school work. sadly, that means more work for you, right? *sigh*
NOT looking forward to middle school days.
The not having friends part sounds really hard. Very very tough actually.: ( I imagine it's no fun being the new kid. And horrible of that teacher who didn't want him being friends with the older classmates. I didn't see any harm in that either, like you said they weren't taking class time for it.
As for the JHS here.I honestly dread the day we have to deal with it too. This worries me a lot.: (
Er... claire in kumamoto! From MIJ and Gardening in japan. Sorry didn't mean to leave my name off!
Oh poor Yoshi (and poor Vicky!). I really feel for him. Why is it that elementary schools here can be fantastic but JHSs are just awful? And the broadcasting club teacher? Words fail me...
I'm just hoping (unlikely I know...) that the system may have changed a bit by the time K has to go to Junior High.
Ohhhh I taught at a JHS with a no interlevel fraternisng rule, it was terrible. The rationale was that big kids teach little kids bad tricks but the reality was that the truly bad kids didn't give a damn and got around the rules while the sweet kids who could do with a couple extra friends toed the line. Grrr.
My brother had a truly horrible time at school with bullying and daydreaming and always not quite getting it but did archery afterschool and loved it. While his grades were terrible enough to rule out Uni he still does archery (just as a hobby) and now says it's what he got out of bed each day for. If it's something Yoshi is really enjoying I would try and hold onto it, too I think. With all his awards with the various kenteis he does is there a high school with alternative entry near you that could be an option? Take some pressure off the JHS experience?
Good luck to you all in ensuring your breasts are the only things successfully squished up there!
My heart goes out to Yoshi and you.I work as an ALT at JHS and annualy hate seeing the new 1st graders suffer.Hopefully it will improve;from my years there it seems that the first term is the worst.And once they get to 2nd grade,they have more freedom and new friendships spring up.
Hi Claire! I knew from the way you were writing it was someone I knew!
Junior high is awful no matter what country you are in. I hated it and did not have even half the pressures Yoshi has. You are right though the only way to make it is to just push through and endure it.
Aaargh reading that he got told off for being to familiar with seniors, *really* got my goat, I loathe the whole senpai/kohai stuff whihc just lends itself to bullying and power plays.
My second daughter is chu1 now, and I think will be okay because she is nuts about sports and bukatsu ( don't get me started on that ;) ) but my son now in 5th grade will not do well in that environment at all and I am already pre-dreading it!
Oh no. JHS is worse than shogakko? I have a daughter who spends her entire school day alone, no one talks to her and she doesn't talk to anyone else. She has recently come out and just told me, "Everyone hates me. No one likes me. I am weird and strange." Her 6th grade overnight field trip is coming up and I am worried how she'll survive it. A trip to a theme park where everyone will be buddying up to get on rides but no one will want to be her buddy? sigh.
As far as how to survive JHS or what you can do for Yoshi, my students (university Freshman) just recently wrote essays on bullying. Most wrote from personal experience in JHS and HS. It seemed that those in truely terrible and unbearable situations found strength and comfort from loving supportive homes where they felt accepted and praised for who they were and for the strengths that they had. They also talked a lot about being able to just "be" at home and be accepted and not criticised or corrected.
After watching my own daughter sit isolated at her undokai a week ago, I myself am trying to focus more on what she does RIGHT at home and less on trying to get her to do exactly what I want her to do at home. Which is hard as there are all sorts of things that I find to it hard: case in point. My girls just beeped me from the ofuro to come in and "hand them towels". They are 6 and 11 years old and BOTH of them still ask me to pour them drinks, fetch them tissues, put the used tissues in the trash etc. etc. It drives me CRAZY. I think a lot of it is in reaction to me going back to work full time and forcing them to be a bit more independent when I am not around but it is damn hard to stay loving and supportive when they are treating as the fetch and carry slave. sigh. sorry, my response is turning into my own rant.
I think you do a fabulous job of showing Yoshi what a fantastic boy he is and that you are giving him areas in which to shine and a loving home in which to be himself.
Laura
Hi again,
You should be able to read (most) of my blogs. http://blo-re-mo.blogspot.com/ is the main one, but I haven't updated it for a while : )
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